In honor of my Grandmothers

I was talking to my Dad the other day and asked him what he was doing for Mother’s Day. He told me he didn’t know since neither he nor my mom had living mothers anymore. For me, the anniversaries of my grandmothers’ deaths are the hardest times, but holidays, like Christmas and Mother’s Day, further remind me and my family that these special ladies are gone. I’m so lucky that, even though I’ve lost two grandmothers, in the mean time I’ve gained three: my grandfather’s second wife and Tucker’s two grandmothers. All three are amazing women that I constantly learn from about sacrificial, selfless love. 

Me with Gran, Tucker's grandmother

Me with Barbara, my grandmother

   

But the two grandmothers who changed my diapers, kissed my boo-boos, and watched me grow up just live on in my memory. So in honor of my grandmothers, I want to memorialize them in prose, remembering why I loved them so much and how I cherish the memories of time with them. 

Anne Collins Barefoot 

1. I love that she always burned the bread, at every meal she ever made for us. And she always seemed surprised that it had happened AGAIN. 
2. I love that she would sing hymns at church, at the top of her lungs, even though her voice was less than melodic, to put it lightly. :)
3. I love that she was so tender-hearted and cried ALL THE TIME. And every time the tears were close, she’s poke both her lips out and up, totally grandmamma style, as if somehow that would stop the floodgate. It never did!
4. I love that she came to every recital, concert, pageant (yes, mock me now, I had a pageant stint), swim meet, and event in which I participated. 
5. At all of these events, she was that grandmother who loudly proclaimed, in the crowd of other parents whose kids were also participating, that “Erika is the best one up there,” even though I clearly never was. She was my number one fan :) 
6. I love how much she loved the Lord, and how she truly believed in the power of prayer. Sometimes I feel cheated that I didn’t get to learn more from her faith since she died when I was only 17. 
7. I love how generous she was and how she always tithed faithfully and was frugal on spending for herself. 
8. I love that she was obsessed with the Sound of Music and that she would watch it with me (normally there were tears involved). But, I always wanted to watch it with her because my only other choice was a Gaither’s concert or Gerbert, that weird Christian puppet show. Grandaddy even told me once all about how he took her to see the Sound of Music, and they had to ride a bus just to get to a movie theater in another city that offered the film. 
9. I love that she wasn’t a great cook (she always either made breakfast, frogmore stew, spaghetti, or broccoli casserole and macaroni with ham) yet I still have fond memories of her cooking for our family, us all squeezing in around the table, and her at the head smiling. 
10. I love that when she helped me learn how to drive, and I nearly rear-ended someone on Lauren’s Road, she calmly said “Erika, when you see those red lights, that means stop.”  
11. I love that, even though she was suffering immensely from the leukemia that ravaged her body in just 6 months, she would try to joke and put me at ease so that I wouldn't worry about her. What a selfless act of kindness and love in the midst of immense suffering. 
12. I love that she wrote all of her children and grandchildren letters just before she died, explaining the prayers she had prayed and the love she felt for us. I found them in her closet when I was helping sort her things after her death. The verse she left me was Ephesians 3:16-19

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Thanks Grandmamma, for all of those practical lessons and for loving me no matter what. (I don't have a digital photo of my grandmamma because she died nearly 10 years ago.)

 Earline Styles Brown 

1. I love that she used to let me use her silk pj’s as my blanket during sleep overs at her house. 
2. I love that she came to my dance competition in Charlotte every year, like a little girls’ vacation. 
3. She made the best macaroni and cheese and lemon pie (which we called “buggy pie” because one time the flour she used was buggy! and another time I found one of her fake fingernails in the pie...haha but I promise, normally it was delicious.)
4. I love how much she loved the beach, especially Hawaii. 
5. I love that whenever I called her, she lit up, so much that I could tell even over the phone. 
6. I love that when I told her Tucker and I might want 3 or 4 kids she said, “Do you know how many that is?!” She was so excited about great grandbabies.
7. I love that even though she suffered from psychological challenges that made crowds scary to her, she came to one of my wedding showers, my rehearsal dinner, and my wedding. And she looked beautiful. 
8. I love that she kept EVERYTHING, which I found out when I was cleaning out her bathroom and closet. Lucky for me, she had great style and I found awesome shoes that I now wear and think of her. 
9. I love that she got so excited for me to travel to France and especially Ireland. She wanted to know what Irish stew tasted like :)
10. I love that she could be a tough lady sometimes, but she always loved her grandchildren, unconditionally, and in a way that made us know how important we were to her. 

My Nanny at our wedding in 2007

I miss my grandmothers. Sometimes I dream about them in such clarity that they seem to be present, in reality. But when I awaken I realize that they were merely the sweet phantoms of my subconscious, a sobering but also joyful discovery. I often fear that I'll forget them, but my dreams remind me how entrenched my love for them is. I know I’ll see them again someday, but I do wish, especially with my grandmamma, that I’d made more time to listen and learn from her. Tucker never even got to meet her. But he loves hearing stories about her, which is good, since I love to tell them and taste the sweetness of loving someone so much that recalling their legacy brightens my entire countenance. Rejoicing in the memory of my grandmamma literally envelops me in her love again, like a lingering hug that warms me from the inside out. What a gift to have had these ladies love and nurture me!

So this Mother's Day weekend, I'll be missing my grandmothers but also cherishing my memories, feeling lucky to have shared the years that I did with these two special women.  If you are able, hug your grandmothers. Years down the road you'll be so glad that you did. Those hugs have pretty significant lingering effects.