Honoring Forgotten Mothers

Mother's Day is Sunday, and of course, we will all remember our mothers and grandmothers. I'm not a mother, but I can tell you that from watching women who are mothers, these ladies deserve more than just one "day" of recognition! For a cute article about the value of mothers from a dad's perspective, read here.

As a historian, I'm fascinated by the western history of Mother's Day as a response to plummeting birth rates and depopulation following World War I. British, French, and German governments instituted mother's day to honor women willing to "serve their country" by providing future generations. Notice the French woman in the lovely poster at right is breast feeding, gardening, or working in industry to fulfill her "patriotic duty". In post-war France, if you had more than 3 children, you might even receive a medal in front of your whole town for "being a good citizen." Can you imagine that happening today?!


But, this week I found myself thinking about the "forgotten mothers" of our societies, and I wanted to at least honor them in prose, even though they will obviously never know. (or maybe I do actually have some readers out there after all...!!!)


First, I think it fitting to remember mothers around the world who sacrifice daily to find food, healthcare, clean water, and protection for their children. For instance, a mother in Haiti following the earthquake had to give birth on the floor of a tent, resulting in her baby's eyes becoming infected. The mother didn't know what to do, but luckily humanitarian organizations making healthcare rounds in the tents recognized the problem and helped provide medical care. In many places in Africa, for instance Niger, mothers spend literally hours daily fetching water to provide something to drink, cook, and clean with for their families. These women often walk for miles to reach the water source, carrying 75lb containers on their backs, risking kidnapping, rape, and violence to fetch water that is maybe not even clean. The WHO explains, "Women are responsible for collecting water 64 percent of the time, while children collect water 11 percent, greatly reducing their time for other productive work and school." When I'm a mom and start freaking out about the challenges of motherhood (which I can only imagine are many and varied), I'm seriously going to try to channel these images and these mothers' situations. 


I also think of birth-mothers, women who chose life for their child. I read a really raw account of a birth mother who gave her first child up for adoption, has since gotten married, had other children that she is raising, but still painfully remembers that child. She knew it was better for her child to be in a secure, stable, loving family, but it's a sacrifice that she deals with daily. She says, "Please if you know a birthmom (or dad) give them a hug.  Be willing to listen to them and not judge.  Be there for them.  Next Mothers Day give a hug and or a card to a birthmom.  It is the worst day of the year for them even if they have other kids." 


I think of women who have had abortions. For years this subject has been too taboo to speak openly about, but happily people are now starting to realize the lasting physical, psychological, and emotional trauma that abortive mothers experience. Some churches are even offering post-abortion counseling. Even if we think abortion is wrong, (which I do) that doesn't mean that we can't love and support women grieving their decision to terminate their pregnancy. These women were mothers, even if only for a few weeks. While some women who chose abortion may not care about Mother's Day, or they may care but still support abortion, these women often wrestle for years with guilt and baggage from their choice. 


I think of women dealing with infertility or grieving a lost child. I don't know any advice to give on behalf of what these women would appreciate on Mother's Day. But maybe just grieving alongside of them and remembering that they are pining for that child, especially on this day, will help lessen the load they carry. 


Finally, I think of women who are childless, have few if any family members, or are not blood relatives but instead "heart relatives" (so cheesy, I know) and are involved in the lives of others. I like to consider Mother's Day as a time to tell these women, who may not share biology with me but sure do feel like family, that I love them and appreciate their role in my life. It's always nice to hear that from someone, right? 


So, in my bustle of consumerism and materialism this Mother's Day (it's true, I do love picking out presents for my mom and mother in law!), I want to remember to honor these women, to respect their pain but also their courage, and to reflect on the blessings I receive from special women in my life. Happy Mother's Day!